Actions Speak Louder Than Words
by milyko88
Summary: Five times Dean's actions speak louder than words and one time they do not.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. Everything recognizable is the property of its respected owner._

_Warning: Spoilers for seasons 1 – 6. Specifically for:_  
_Season 1, Episode 13 – Route 666_  
_Season 2, Episode 2 – Everybody Loves a Clown_  
_Season 3, Episode 16 – No Rest for the Wicked_  
_Season 4, Episode 6 – Yellow Fever_  
_Season 5, Episode 22 – Swan Song_  
_Season 6, Episode 11 – Appointment in Samarra_

Dean Winchester is a man of few words, at least when words matter. He is quick to throw in a sarcastic remark or a witty quip when the conversation requires, but if asked about his feelings, he will clam up. He is never good at expressing his emotions. He locks them down, pushes them away to some far off corner of his mind, where they will occasionally make themselves known through violent eruptions or drunken actions. When it matters, Dean is better with actions, not words.

Five times Dean's actions speak louder than words and one time they do not.

* * *

Cassie calls Dean out, points out how he shuts down anytime he gets close to being vulnerable, emotional.

Dean tries. He does. He tries to find the words to say how much she hurt him, how much he did not want to hurt her. He does not know how to get his point across. They are yelling at each other now. Blaming one another for the past, not knowing whose fault it is that they did not work out.

Cassie apologizes, Dean does too. Then they are crashing together, using their bodies to say all the things their words cannot. "I'm sorry" spoken through the press of lips, the stroke of tongues. "I miss you" said with grasping hands and tightening arms. "I love you" understood through gasps and moans.

When it was all said and done they both know what the other is unable to say, even if it cannot change the way things are.

* * *

Sam is not helping, pestering Dean to open up, to talk about their father's death. Dean does not want to talk. He does not want to deal with that fact he will never see his father again. He spouts out some wisecrack about hugging, crying on Sam's shoulder, and slow dancing. Sarcasm is the way he pushes Sam away. If only Sam would get the hint. Dean is fine. Really he is. He does not need to talk about his feelings. He is fine.

Dean is not fine, but he would be damned if he told Sam that. The pain, the anger, the grief, it is all too much. Dean pushes it deep inside himself. Tries to pretend it does not affect him. Knowing the death of his father is on his hands is something Dean cannot handle, something he does not want to think about. So he bottles it up, lets it fester inside of him, and the cork is close to popping.

And pop it does. It all comes to the surface, too fast, too strong for Dean to manage. He takes it out on his car, slams the crowbar into the hood of the trunk over and over and over again. The anger, the self-hatred, the pain, all coming through with the swing of his arms, the pound of steel against steel. He swings and swings, again and again until he is too overwhelmed with emotion to lift his arms for another swing. The sting in his muscles a new ache, a physical reminder to represent the one in his soul.

* * *

Dean's time is running out, the clock is ticking, and he has only hours, minutes left. Sam prepares to say goodbye, but Dean will not let him. He is not ready to leave his brother and his life behind him. He sure as hell knows he does not want his last night on Earth to be sad and depressing.

The music gets turned up. The song is a fitting choice given the circumstances. Dean puts all his energy, all his built up emotion, into the song. He sings as loudly as he can, smiles when he hears Sam join him, and takes a moment to reflect on the choices he has made, knowing he would not change a thing. He would give his life again and again for his brother.

He is scared. He will not admit it, but he is. He forces his emotions back. Continues singing with his brother, until the lyrics hit home and he knows there is no stopping fate. No stopping the devil from taking his soul. Time is running out and there is nowhere to hide.

* * *

The ghost sickness sets in and Dean begins to freak out. What is he doing with his life? He hunts monsters. Who does that? Crazy people, that's who. Dean and Sam and all the other hunters are insane. They should run and hide when they see something they cannot explain, not go searching for it in the dark hoping to take it down.

Dean panics. It is all too much. He cannot handle this life anymore. For once Dean uses his words to express how he is feeling. He rants on and on to Sam about how horrible their job is, how he cannot stand to do it anymore. He is done. He wants out. No more monsters, no more apocalypse. He quits.

The sickness is lifted, the ghost causing it is destroyed. Sam wonders how Dean is. Dean is fine. Bobby teases him about how scary hunting can be and Dean gets defensive. He will hunt. He will hunt anything you put in his path. He is not afraid. Not anymore. Not on the outside.

* * *

Dean made a promise, a stupid promise to his dying brother. He would go live a normal life, stop hunting, and have a family. Dean wonders why he agreed to this, why he told Sam he would get out, live some suburban life, not try to bring his brother back from a fiery grave.

He questions whether he should keep his promise, his brother's last dying wish. Sam never asked for much, and Dean never denied him anything. Why should he start now? He will try, for Sammy's sake, to do as he asked, even though every part of him is screaming to give up, to die. Without Sam there is nothing to live for. His brother is gone and he promised not to bring him back, as much as he wants to, he promised, and he will not go back on that promise. Dean will try. He will go on living, for Sam, because that is all his brother wanted from him.

* * *

It is hard, knowing his brother has no soul, that he may never be the same person he was before he jumped into the cage to stop the apocalypse. Everyone keeps telling him there is no chance of getting Sam's soul back, but Dean is determined. He will do whatever it takes to get his little brother back to normal.

This new Sam, this soulless Sam, is not the brother he raised, not the brother he loves. Dean will do anything to get his Sammy back, even if it means dying, and making a deal with Death to do so.

Dean tries, he does, but Death's job is harder than it looks. Killing a robber is one thing, but having to kill a child is another thing all together. He cannot do it. He changes the path of fate, screws with destiny, and someone else pays for it. It is too much, he cannot do it. The ring comes off. He has failed. He tried to save his brother's soul, and he has failed. The weight is crushing.

Luckily for him, Death wants Dean to succeed, wants him to keep digging. Sam's soul is replaced in his body, behind a barrier to keep the crazy in. Dean did it, he does not know how, but he did it. He has saved his brother, brought back the man he knows and loves. If ever actions spoke louder than words, it would be now. Dean never gave up, he kept trying. He saved Sam. He has his brother back.


End file.
